Can You Look Me In The Eyes And Tell Me That You're Happy?

Is anyone ever completely and fully happy? Or do we allow that mask that we've grown so accustom to having on, grow onto us permanently, and let it trick us, making us think we're happy, when we're really the hollowest thing around?
Of all the feelings in the world, why do happiness and love seem so dear to us? Why do we strive so much for them? Some may claim that those really aren't what most beings strive towards, but rather a successful life. Do you not have a successful life if you have happiness and love? And does happiness not ride on the coattails of success?
To be fair, some successful people, are very unhappy people, with detrimental habits, that destroy them almost as much as their unhappiness does.
Happiness comes and goes. It is but a sailboat, drifting out in the open sea, being gently blown towards one, or violently churned away, either way, it's always there, somewhere. Whether it's within eyesight, or just barely within reach, it's still there. Even in the darkest of times.
Simply put, happiness is a state of mind. Yes, It's also much more than that. It's also a feeling. Sometime it's what puts the smile on your face, and other times, it's the feeling you can't seem to replace. It can also be associated with the butterflies in your stomach, because someone else is making you happy. But it's all a state of mind. Other people may do things that upset you, and hurt you, but in the end, how you respond to everything, is your own choice. How you learn from your lost battles, and how you deal with different situations, is your own choice. Other people play a role in your happiness, but in the end, you are the deciding factor. You control your own happiness, so why let it be a fraud?

And Tell Me If I'm Dying

.......Cause I Don't Wanna Know.


Because when you keep giving pieces of your heart
away to people who would throw them aside,
how much would you have left?
At the end of the day,
would you be left to pick up the pieces all by yourself?


Do you ever wish you could just disappear? To just..cease being? I've felt that way..for so long. I've hidden it so well. And I've gotten so wrapped up in certain moments, that..in that space in time, I didn't feel so bad.
I feel so selfish though. For wishing myself away, when I know my friends and family would miss me..But I feel as if it would reduce complications with everyone.
I almost feel as if I'm too fragile. But I have such an intricate mind, that it takes a special kind of person to even begin to decode me. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever find someone who figure it out better than most. Time shall tell, I suppose.
My moods have been so up and down lately.
One minute I'm happy, the next I can't even stand the thought of being around those who are so happy...
I'm partly to blame for my own moods, for allowing people to make me feel bad.
But I also am senstive, and I respond to different things that happen.
My trust is very battered and broken right now. I trust those who deserve it.
I know this isn't the end of the world. I just wish I didn't feel so horrible. But from rain, comes sunshine. So in the end, It'll all be worth it.