It's two A.M. in my new home, this motel room
An ash tray full of lucky strikes
A half spent case of warm Bud Lite
Countin' regrets, fightin' back tears
Retracin' steps, gettin' no where

[Chorus]
Callin your name, it's a waste of my breath
There's no reachin' you across this cold and empty bed
Stirrin' up ashes, tryin' to find passion
Where there's no love left
It's like tryin to put smoke back in this cigarette

Come sunrise, guess I'll checkout and ditch this town
Put a few more miles between us
And keep driving till I finally mend my broken trust
Hangin' my hopes on highway signs
If I lie here, I'll loose my mind

[Chorus]
Callin your name, it's a waste of my breath
There's no reachin' you across this cold and empty bed
Stirrin' up ashes, tryin' to find passion
Where there's no love left
It's like tryin' to put smoke back in this cigarette

I may never know your reasons why
But someday I'm gonna see the good in your goodbye

Callin your name, it's a waste of my breath
There's no reachin' you across this empty bed
Stirrin' up ashes, tryin' to find passion
Where there's no love left
It's like tryin to put smoke back in this cigarette
__________________________________________________

I woke up today in London
As the plane was touching down
And all I could think about was Monday
When maybe I’d be back around
If this keeps me away much longer
I don’t know what I would do
You got to understand it’s a hard life,
that I’m going through

And when the night falls in around me
And I don’t think I’ll make it through
Ill use your light to guide the way
Cuz all I think about is you

L A is getting kind of crazy
And New York is getting kind of cold
I keep my head from getting lazy
I just can’t wait to get back home

And all these days I spend away
Ill make up for this I swear
I need your love to hold me up
When it’s all to much to bear

And when the night falls in around me
And I don’t think I’ll make it through
Ill use your light to guide the way
Cuz all I think about is you

And all these days I spend away
Ill make up for this I swear
I need your love to hold me up
When it’s all to much to bear

And when the night falls in around me
And I don’t think I’ll make it through
Ill use your light to guide the way

Cuz all I think about is you
________________________________________________________

Countin' regrets, fightin' back tears
Retracin' steps, gettin' no where - Sometimes I feel as if my mind is infested. Infested so heavily with a plague that can't help but make me feel as if I'm being eaten alive by my own thoughts. I tend not to regret things, but the things I do regret, are rather haunting, and are enough to tear me apart. And as they race through my mind, I have to choke back the tears..and remember I'm responsible for my actions..and those regrets...those situations...are in the past..But sadly, that's not always a comfort enough. I feel as if my mind is a broken record, as it keeps repeating and glitching. Not constantly, but sometimes...and sometimes..that amount of time, can be such a hinderance to what I really want to think about/do.

There's no reachin' you across this cold and empty bed- When I wake...from another terrifying dream, and as I gasp to catch my breath, my eyes still half closed...I sometimes reach for you...hoping you'll be there..to calm me...to make the fear disappear...But i understand. It's not possible right now. It's a silly little thing I do. But it's a natural reaction. Don't take this the wrong way and think I'm impaitent in waiting for you. Or that..i can't deal with the wait. That's not how it is. I will wait. I want you. And only you. And that's how it's going to be, nothing can change it, I'm waiting, for you.

guess I'll checkout and ditch this town- Mentally, i feel as if I have checked out, on certain days. Not all the time, but there are deffiantly days...where i feel as if i want to do nothing more, but lay in my room...and simply think..and let those thoughts just flutter about...and escape this town..escape this place...escape earth. To escape my human form, which limits me so. I want to spread my wings, I want to do what I want already. I'm restless. And the winter winds are setting in...which make me even more restless...because I have nothing to keep my mind focused on, except a few things. It's as if, my mind flourishes when I'm busy..maybe because...I don't have the time or space to think negative things? I want to leave this town...I want to be who I dream of being..I want show the world who I am, and who I can be. I want to be...free, in a sense.

Hangin' my hopes on highway signs
If I lie here, I'll loose my mind - It's as if..my hopes and dreams seem..futile, at times. As if, I can and hope and dream and wish all I please..but nothing will ever come of such actions. I know everything needs to get put into action, so I try to set them into motion..but am I really doing anything, or are my actions fruitless? And sometimes...I do feel as if I'm going to lose my mind. Then again, did I ever have full control of such a tool? Sometimes it's such a distraction, the way mull things over, the way i tick, rather. Sometimes my thoughts scream louder than I can shut out. And there's no such thing as mental plugs. So, instead, you learn to busy yourself with other such things, to try to drown out some of the thoughts..until they fade away...like a train sliding along the tracks..away from you...it's not as near you now..but you still know it's there...and you know what it holds.

And when the night falls in around me
And I don’t think I’ll make it through
Ill use your light to guide the way
Cuz all I think about is you- When night falls in..you're the last thing I think about before i drift off to sleep. You tend to cleanse my mind before I go off into my vunerable state of slumber. And you guide me....when I feel as if I'm about to break. You're always there. Even though you have your own things to worry about and think about...you always see me through. And I think God blessed me...when I met you.

I keep my head from getting lazy - I have to keep my mind busy sometimes...depending on the mood. Otherwise it wonders..and it twists and it twirls..sometimes spinning me right into the center of the blackest mood. But other times..I can allow my mind to wonder...to plunder on its own..But that's when I'm in a good state of mind already, and I know the deep, swelling sea of unhappy thoughts, is at low tide and I needn't worry 'bout them. It really depends on my mood, on what I allow myself to think about.

And all these days I spend away
Ill make up for this I swear
I need your love to hold me up
When it’s all to much to bear - I feel bad for being gone sometimes. For being..so busy at times. But i'm a teen..nothing I can really do about it, and not feel some remorse for leaving those activities. I have a quote on quote, "rock". They're always there for me, when I need them. Infact, I have a few. And i fall back onto them...when I feel as if the odds are stacked against me

Lyrical Love

When love is a raging sea
You can hold on to me
We'll find a way tonight
Love is an ocean wide

I'll stay right here
It's where I'll always belong
Tied with your arms
Days like this, I wish the sun wouldn't set
I don't want to forget
What made us feel this way
You see through all my fears
And that's what got us here
[Ocean Wide- The Afters]
------------------------------------------
I feel what I've been feeling for you
Means I am falling for you
Something's opened up inside of me
And I dream
In shades that only can be
The colors of you and me
I think we both know what that means
I stand inside this promise I made to myself
That I was meant for you

Worth all the long nights dreaming of forever
Someday we will be together
I know it will have been so worth the wait
Ooh
Please wait for me
[Worth the wait- Jordin Sparks]
----------------------------------------
The little things, you do to me are
taking me over, i wanna show ya
everything inside of me
like a nervous heart that, is crazy beating
[the little things, Colbie Caillat]
------------------------------------------------------
And it's been ten days without you in my reach,
And the only time I've touched you is in my sleep.

But time has changed nothing at all -
You're still the only one that feels like home.
I let you go but you're still the only one
That feels like home, yeah,
You're still the only one that feels like home,
You're still the only one I've gotta love.
Oh yeah...
[ten days- missy higgins]
--------------------------------------------------
Just tell me we will be
Together someday.
It's in the dreams I have.
I'll be your sunset
If you'll be my silhouette.
(You'll be my silhouette.)
Just take my hand and well,
Never let go because
If we're together now
We'll be together then.
Step back and see me walk away
And watch me run right back.
I'll show you how to love again.
This is the best idea I've had.
(This is the best idea I've had.)
[I'll be your sunset - A rocket to the moon]
____________________________________________________
And when I'm feelin' incomplete, you're my missing piece
And when you need your breath taken away I'll be your thief
From the start to the end we don't need to pretend
That we're perfect all the time
'Cause we know what we have through the good and the bad
It's the strength that you can't deny
I don't need to find a million reasons why
This is us, this is us and this is how we love
Some ways we're different but together we're so right
This is us, this is us and this is how we love, oh yeah
And even if we fall apart we'll never feel alone
Just like the moon starts risin' our hearts bring us home
We can always find each other like the northern star
Doesn't matter where we are our love can't go that far
We don't always see eye to eye
You might see a million colors, I just see it black and white
Ain't no way we could get much higher
'Cause when we touch it feels like fire
We both know how good this feels
[This Is Us-Keyshia Cole]




:]
All songs
that make me think of my love <3
well.
The parts i have on here, some of the songs arent full out love songs, but have a few great lines
I have a lyrical love, it's better than a story book romance<3 It's better than anything.

If I traded it all...

Restless tonight
Cause I wasted the light
Between both these times
I drew a really thin line
It's nothing I planned
And not that I can
But you should be mine
Across that line
[Chorus:] If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn't that be something
I promise I might
Not walk on by
Maybe next time But not this time
Even though I know I don't want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds
[Chorus x2]
Even though I know
I don't want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds
Even though I know
I don't want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds [Chorus x3]
-----------------
An other song with some ties to me.

Honestly. I would trade everything to be there with him. It's so sad..I can't stand this place...I'm so sensitive to the fighting. I'm sure it's not healthy to feel as if I'm on eggshells thinner than a crisp autumn leaf. Patience is key, this i know. And when I do get to be with him...the victory will be ever so sweet. I would trade it all, just so he could be mine...in my arms, the one I could wake up next to every morning..the one who I get to rest my head on. But I shall wait. I'd wait forever for him, because he's more than worth it. <3

And the bit where it's "Yeah, I guess I know..I just hate how it sounds.." I hate how...people judge me for saying I'd give it all for him. For being so committed. It's my life to live..not theirs. They're not the ones in my shoes, now are they? No. It's my mind, my heart..my choices. I'm sorry that what makes me happy, makes you question me. But no amount of questions can tear him away from me, ever. I swear that right now.
________________

Where's Walda?
Yes. That's Walda, with an A. Not Waldo.
For my Mass Media class, we have to do a Radio Production as a grade....and we took the whole..where's Waldo concept..and morphed it into ours. It has to be like..one of the old timey stories...like you used to hear. But can be in modern day. So..We're going to do ours about Walda, this teenage girl, who wants to go to a party and can't..but she sneaks out..and her friend..who is a bad influence..is the last one to talk to her before she goes missing...So prime suspect right there. And I'm the Detective, Sam Spike. xD And it's going to be really cool. It's kind of comical, yet...a mystery. :] It'll be epic.
________________________

Quotes that spark somewhat deep thoughts...:

My dear our hearts have gotten good
at pumping cheap new lust into our young veins <----- This made me think..of some of my friends... Because they're not even into relationships. I love my Kenzieboo. She's a good soul. She always makes me laugh, and she always know what to say when I need it. And nothing about her, bothers me. Because she's never sworen to be a virgin, like Sam did. And she doesn't..flaunt herself around like Sam does either. I just...find...that love is almost becoming such a cliche` in this modern day world. How do people expect healthy relationships..or a kind world, without it? Or peace?

Aerodynamically, the bumblebee shouldn’t be able to fly,
but the bumblebee doesn’t know that,
so it keeps flying anyway. <----- This made me think about how...although something seems totally impossible...there's always a way around it, always a way to prove it way...always a way, to make the impossible, possible. Seems sort of amazing. And it puts a smile across my face to know, there is hope, even when things seem completely and endlessly, impossible.
hypothetically, if you were point a,
and theoretically, if i was point b,
we would be frantically melting
into one massive point that could overcome anything. <---- I've had someone prove to me, that not all boys are the same. That when I turn to run away from my insecurties..my issues...our issues..That he'll want to work things out. That..No matter what, I have him. I won't ever do a crazy thing like I did. I wouldn't even think of it. I still thank God every morning when I wake, knowing he's always going to be mine. He's honestly, the best thing, to ever happen to me. I know, he and I can overcome anything. I can do anything as long as he's by my side. With him, I feel like i can fly. We're stronger than anyone will ever be able to understand.

we've scuplted ourselves into machines,
we've shaped our love into greed. <--- once again, relating to how..we just go through our daily lives..some of us, seeming ever so selfish. We're the "me" generation, well most of us. I'm making a generalization, but I know, not all of us are like this. But again...where has the compassion gone? Do we not realize how much we care for someone, until they're hanging on to their last shred of life? Or are we too caught up in our own little worlds, to be open and compassionate to those around us?

You're my every dream.
You're the threadwork to my seams <--- I never knew, it was possible for me to open up this much. To have someone know me, almost better than myself...sometimes..he does know me better than I know myself. He's my rock. He keeps me grounded. He's so amazing. He really is the thread that keeps me tied together, the puzzle piece that completes me.

The stars lean down to kiss you, and I lie
awake I miss you. Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere.
'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly, but I'll miss your arms around me. I'd send a postcard to you dear,
'Cause I wish you were here. <---- Self explanatory, pretty much. :P

there was no such thing as lies and hurt
in the world that they built that night
a world that was separate from their old selves
Humans meeting and crashing into the infinite
parts of each others souls
Living in what they could promise;
One day at a time. <------ Made me think about..how each and every relationship is different. Whether it's a romantic relationship, or a friendship. They both have a bit of common ground though..trust. Without it, you don't have much to stand on. And promises...need trust..for you to believe in them, otherwise they're just pretty little ideas. And how..some relationships are just so wonderful, they take you away from your problems when you're around that person, and you can relax..letting the daily stress factors, wash away from you, atleast, for that moment being.
______________

On a different note. We started the poetry unit in my English class today. :D I acutally got excited. Poetry is my thing. Of course, I was the one answering all the questions. Ms. Moe adores me because of that. Everyone in my class hates poetry. When Ms. Moe asked me to read what I had written aloud today..I got shy. Like. Really shy. Cause i had to write a quick sonnet. Everyone was like "Dannggg. Lizzie's smarttt!" They're all jealous because I can think up pretty much anything on the spot. Ms. Moe is urging me to get my poetry published somewhere. I'll think about it. She says, I have amazing potential, and it's ever so rare to find someone my age, with such a matured writing style.
_______________

I start Driver's Education, Behind The Wheel, tomorrow, right after school. From 3-5. Should be good. I'm driving with one of my friends too. I'm excited. :] I'm getting better. I'm not scared to drive fast anymore either :p
_________
Wednesday: I have to wear my ROTC uniform..it's club picture day..and we have to be in uniform to be in the picture. And I'll have inspection that day as well.
Thursday, I have CIRT after school, but thats about it.
Friday, I don't have school at all, because it's parent-teacher conferences. I also have the ball that night, from 7-10. I convinced my friend Tara, to go. She was in ROTC last year, and was in it for like..two weeks this year, before she dropped out..she got bored with it. But we're going, so I can hang out with her. There's a big ceremony before the dance, there's swordsman, and then a guest speaker..and cutting of the cake with the sword..then the oldest cadet takes a bite...then passes the cake along to the youngest, who takes a bite as well. It's a symbol for passing the knowledge along. I'm excited. I'll make sure to take lots of pictures :]

This weekend, both of my parents work. So it should be a pretty chill weekend.