And the poets..

Joke me something awful just like kisses on the necks of "best friends"*
We're the kids who feel like dead ends
And I want to be known for my hits, not just my misses
I took a shot and didn't even come close
At trust and love and hope
And the poets are just kids who didn't make it
And never had it at all

And the record won't stop skipping
And the lies just won't stop slipping
And besides my reputation's on the line
We can fake it for the airwaves
Force our smiles, baby, half dead
From comparing myself to everyone else around me

Please put the doctor on the phone 'cause I'm not making any sense
Blame everyone but me for this mess
And my back has been breaking from this heavy heart
We never seemed so far
I'm hopelessly hopeful, you're just hopeless enough
But we never had it at all

And the record won't stop skipping
And the lies just won't stop slipping
And besides my reputation's on the line
We can fake it for the airwaves
Force our smiles, baby, half dead
From comparing myself to everyone else around me
to everyone else around me
everyone else around me
everyone else around me

-------
Parts that are colored different/bolded/italicized = in relation to me.

We're the kids who feel like dead ends;;; I feel like this..because I feel like I'm stuck in today. I can paddle forever towards a sucessful tomorrow, and never fully get there. You can always do better. I feel like a dead end at times, i have such big hopes and apsirations to be something I've always thought of as wonderful..but in the moment, it doesnt seem i've made alot of progress towards it. That I am who I still am, and it won't change. I'm not taking personality wise, I'm talking..future wise. I know, i know...I shouldn't wish away my present with thoughts of my future, but i do..:/

And I want to be known for my hits, not just my misses;; Self-explanatory, no?
I mean, I want to be remembered for my good deeds..not my missteps. I want to come off in a good light, honestly.

And the poets are just kids who didn't make it
And never had it at all;; I can relate to this. Considering I'm rather poetic....and poetry is my outlet for my emotions. Therefore, I'm an emotional person when it comes to writing down my thoughts. It helps me though. But sometimes, i feel oh so very fragile. Sometimes i feel like I don't belong, or as if I've never belonged. But i suppose, for the most part, uniqueness is a great thing.

And the lies just won't stop slipping
And besides my reputation's on the line;; With all the highschool drama going on...lies are flying around like crazy. And I'm just..tired of it. Tired of the pettyness, tired of the fighting. I'm over it. If you got issues with me, then fine. I know my reputations fine though :D, I make sure of that.

We can fake it for the airwaves
Force our smiles, baby, half dead [and this quote as well] And my back has been breaking from this heavy heart;; It's so easy to fake a smile sometimes..and just go on..pretending nothing's eating at you..and soon enough, you've tricked yourself into thinking you're fine. I'm not saying that i have...but for my parents, I've just kind of been like whatever to them. Pretending I'm fine with how they're listening to me. Honestly, they haven't been listening to me, at all. It's rather annoying and upseting. I mean..I told them, atleast twice that, the marine corps ball is the 6th, which is a friday, and my parents swore up and down, it was the 7th. I know for a fact, I said "Oh, the ball is on the 6th,not the 7th this year." And this comic I've seen before, is coming on both days..and they had made plans to go on the 6th..the four of us. And they didnt understand why I got upset when I said NO, we can't go. Instead, they're dropping me off at the ball, then going, and getting me after the show. My mom was a total snob about it. Seriously. She's like "well fine! Your father and I will go, it doesn't matter. We need alone time too!" and she acted as if it were my fault that the ball was on a Friday. Honestly. They didn't even think about the fact that the 7th would have been a Saturday. They don't listen.There was something else I had said this week, that they totally blew off as well. What's the point in talking to people who will still pass the blame to you, because they're too caught up in their own world to really listen? It's rather annoying. And they wonder why I feel so misunderstood.

From comparing myself to everyone else around me;; Basically..i feel as if..there's always going to be someone better at whatever you're good at. Perfection is only an illusion. I feel as if I need to stop comparing myself, and just be who I am. Which is what I'm trying to do, honestly. Who cares about perfection? It's the imperfections that make you beautiful, and who you are.

Don't Surrender

Shaking;

Barely Waking,

Closely Escaping.

Terrified eyes glance around,

Heart still beating quickly;

The clock, forever ticking.

Sweat droplets intertwine with tear drops;

Drizzling down her face,

A gasping breath enters, unevenly.

“It Was Just A Dream....

It Was Just A Dream; It Wasn't Real,”

She Shakily Tells Herself, As She

Throws The Blankets Back,

Rushing To Escape From The Dreams

That Use Her Bed As A Landing-Strip Tonight.

Don't Surrender,

Don't Surrender, To Those Blackened, Horrid Dreams.

They're Not Real;

They're Just Intended To Make You Feel,

...In A Way, Give You A Cheap Scare Thrill.

And Make Your Voice Go Shrill, Before You Ever Wake.

How Much More Of Feverish Dreams Can You Take?

They're Nothing But Fake;

Don't Take Them To Heart;

I Mean Come On, You've Been Strong From The Start,

Don't Start Slipping Now.

Don't Start Tripping Over Fallacies;

Can't You See, That Yeah, You Two Are Meant To Be?

And This Is Just A Build Up Of All Your Collected Stresses?

Don't Worry,

Don't Be In Such A Hurry;

Otherwise..Your Past Will Seem Oh So Blurry;

Just Breathe In, And Keep Loving, With All You Got.

Don't Be Shaken,

You're Just Mistaken,

For You See...It Was Only A Twisted Dream,

Which Isn't What It Really Seems To Be.

Trust Me,

Don't Surrender,

Don't Give Up,

You'll See, Those Dreams Are Just Putting Up A Cold Front.

-------------------

New Poem :]

I’ve got another confession to make; I’m your fool.

I’ve got another confession to make
I’m your fool
Everyone’s got their chains to break

Holdin’ you

__________

In  a way, we're all fools to the world. If you think about it, no one really gets out alive.  So why must we strive so hard for perfection? Why do we worry ourselves into old age, about things we can't do a thing about?

Why do our souls seems so carefree, while our own thoughts and body, yearn for the future, when really...today is yesterdays future, and if you think about it...are you where you really wanted to be in the future?

Think back to when you were a little kid. 

Nothing was so simple, than those times. The worst thing that could happen...was scraping up your knee...or finding out your best friend couldn't play because they were sick.

Realistically, what did you think you were turn out to be...going off that little kid?   Honestly. Ask yourself that...and then..who are you today?

Are you proud of yourself? Is this everything you've ever wanted?

Is the person you're with, really all you've wanted, or even more?

It's not about, if you can live with that person...but rather, you can't live without them.

Where do you see yourself in five years? Can you see yourself, doing your dream...or atleast furthering what needs to be pushed forward, to achieve said dreams? 

Are you standing on the sidelines..or are you in the game?

Or are you waiting until the perfect moment, to put your plan into action, so everything works out, good or bad? 

Soul searching can do alot.  And it's not..as if I'm not happy. That's not it at all. I'm the happiest I've ever been.

I just wonder where I'm going to end up down the road. 

I want things to happen, the way I see them.

I want...to finish school, to be with who I'm with right now, for the rest of my life, and in the afterlife, if there is one. I want to see the world before I settle down. I want, to have two to three kids..I want...the life I've always dreamed of.I want the life he's always dreamed of too, cause our lives will forever intertwine.

This makes me all question....

Who am I really?

Am I defined by the dreams I have today?

Or rather by my past?

Or what I want in the future?

Or...is it sadly, all hearsay? 

In a way, I think it's a mix of all.

Hearsay, because that's other peoples thoughts on me,  past..because it's shapped me into who I am today, future, because that's what I'm striving towards.

 

It makes me wonder....who we all are.

Not just to ourselves, but each other.

Why are each others judgments..so...critical in a way? Some say they don't really matter, but at some point, someone's thoughts and take on you, will affect you, in some manner.

We are all humans. We all have DNA...we all have blood that rushes through our veins..hearts that pump...nerves..that feel. But...we all have something, something that makes us different. Something that makes us unique?

But. Are we really unique, if we're all different?

Oh, that is the question.

In my mind, I say yes. Because, no one is exactly alike. I mean, Look at twins. They're different, even if it's just personality wise.  If we were all the same...this world..would be so lackluster, and totally different. Uniqueness, is what makes, everyone beautiful in their own ways. 

I know who I am, but, I just feel in limbo right now.

Like...I'm questioning the world, not myself.

Odd way to put it, I suppose.

_________

OH

AND FOR THE RECORD!

Things change for a reason.

I don't think the womans place is still in the home, just to pop out babies, and cook the meals, to please the husband.

Yeah, we're women. We can do that. But we're also humans. We may not -always- be as strong as men, but we can find ways around it, We can find  a way to do almost the same things they can. And it rather gets under my skin, when some egotistical, self-declaring moron, bash females and what they can/can't do.

Besides. Comparing the issues men have, and the ones women have, aren't fair. We have different bodies..and different things to deal with. 

Yes, men have it hard, dealing with us, "instincts" and such. 

And yes, women have it hard as well, labor..periods and such.

But, we're totally different. 

You can't compare the two, because you can't -naturally- be both, and judge it fairly. And you can't have two people debate over the entire thing, because they're both biased, and though one side -may- win, that doesn't mean the point is completely valid. 

Truths And Facts

So.

I haven't done a post like this in awhile, and the last couple posts have been, kinda deep in thought.

I thought i'd just do a general post this time.

Fact 1: 

I don't sing in the shower. Never have. 

Truth #1:

I overthink some things sometimes. So much, that I've made myself sick. But, now that things are further along, I don't stress over every little thing. I'm much better off now.

Fact 2:

When I love, I love with all my heart.

Truth #2:

You amaze me, and sometimes, you scare me. The way you have me wrapped around your little finger. But, I also know, I'm in completely safe hands.

Fact 3:

I have, a song for pretty much everything.

Truth #3:

In away, I'm ashamed with the amount of people I've liked. The number seems a bit high. And the types of people they were/are. But, then I realize, I am who I am, because of the things I've been through. And I'd be different if I didnt go through some of it..and you like me just the way I am. So, then I don't feel so bad, after all.

Fact 4:

I've only fallen off  horses about 5 times.

Truth #4:

I never really think about how dangerous horseback riding is, until i see something bad happen. 

Fact 5:

I'm a hopeless romantic. When I love, i put everything into that relationship. And even though I mess up sometimes...You will never find an other person, who cares about you in the same manner and level as I do. We're humans...we're programmed to mess up sometimes.

Truth #5:

I still feel bad.  It still plagues my mind. I think thats one of the reasons I've been so overly mushy. Because, I don't want it to ever happen again. And i know it won't. But I want you to be happy. Always. And I want to be the one who makes you happy. Always.

Fact 6:

I'm not scared of dying.  

Truth #6: 

I'm scared of dying before I live my life. Before I can see my kids get married. Before i can lace my hands with his. 

Fact:7:

I'm stronger than I ever thought I would be.

Truth #7:

I'm scared I'm too sensitive sometimes.

Fact #8:

I'll never cheat, on anyone.

kay, now for random stuff i believe in.

:D

I believe in holding hands [ it's cute :]

I believe in letting someone fall asleep in your arms, and not wanting to move, because they're so peaceful looking.

I believe in staying up all night, just so their voice can be the last thing you hear, before you drift off to sleep.

I believe that we all an other half.

I believe in soulmates

I believe i've found true happiness, infact, I know i have.

I believe in kissing until you can't breathe <3>

I believe in  being a total mush

I believe in doing cute little things to suprise your other half

I believe in hanging out with your friends and your boyfriend, at the same time

I believe in having time just with your boyfriend, too.

I believe in leaving cute little notes, just so you can put a smile on their face

I believe in dreams

I believe, I can reach my dreams, and that they're realistic, No one can prove them different

I believe, I wouldn't be where I am now, without you.

I believe, you're the best for me, infact, I know this. <3>

I believe in saddling up when you're sad; it's one of the best cures

I believe in feeling the wind blow through your hair as you trot atop your favorite horse

I believe in just bonding with a horse

I believe, in being kind to animals

Yay for randomness?

Interesting little half thoughts of mine.

No one is perfect. Although, some claim no one is perfect until you fall in love with them, It's a common fallacy. No one is perfect, honestly. You accept their flaws; - even love them for them. You don't see the flaws as an annoyance, but rather, an other beautiful, quirky thing about that person. You have your own flaws as well, and they accept those. And you learn, that person is, perfectly imperfect. Because if humans were perfect, this world wouldn't be so interesting as it is today. So cherish those flaws, and love them even more for them. Be forever happy, with your perfectly imperfect counterpart, just as they are with you.

And I love you. Not the idea of what you're going to be in the future, or what you were in the past. I love you because of the person you are. The way your mind keeps mine intrigued, the way your voice sounds when it says my name, the way you chuckle when you're purposely trying to annoy me..the way you let me explode, then you cuddle me. The way you let me tell you all my hopes and dreams. I love you, because you allow me to be me. And that'll never change, the past, the present, and the future, ain't got a thing on us darling. I can't be anything, If I don't have you by my side.

Let's face it. We're young, but we're so deep in love. I don't care what anyone else says. This right here is what I want. What I've always wanted. We're not too young to feel like this. We're both mature for our age. And love has no limits, no matter the miles inbetween, or the ages of which the two are. Seriously, let's face it. If you were to get on one knee, right here, right now, even with a ring pop, I wouldn't say no. I'd get totally speechless, then throw my arms around you, and squeek out a yes. But you already knew it. It's a scary thought, isn't it? But we've got a whole lot of time, for all that. But even so, I cherish every moment. And it really is astonishing, to see how we feel about each other. But this is what I want, okay? Nothing can ever change that.

Nostrils flaring, hooves prancing over the ground. Hands shaking ever so slightly. Shoulders rounded back, chest popped up, back perfectly curved upwards. Legs in line with hips, toes up, heels down. A smile spreads across the face, of a girl, on her best friend, the glorious horse.


^^ this is what happpens when I get bored.
I think random things.
:3