Whatcha Got..Till It's Gone.

This entry..is all about..not realizing what you got until it's gone.
I was listening to Toby Mac, and that's what got the wheels turnin in my mind.


So, sometimes you realize what you have, is amazing..but do you take it for granted? Do see it for what its really worth?
Why do we take things for granted?

Because it's easy, just to accept them as they are..and not give them as much praise as they deserve..because we become accustom to having it.

Some things last forever, some things don't.
Cherish what you have now, and do your best to keep it. :]

That's the end of my little advice today.

I knew that there were no guarantees. no way of knowing what came next for me, for him, or anybody. some things don't last forever, but some things do. like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down the corners and peering in close, hoping you still recognize the person you see there...

We Are Speaking Louder Than Before.

Who is your God?
What does He stand for?
We all see our God differently..with all the different religions and all.
What do you stand for? Does your religion stand for?
Do you abide by it?

I'm a christian. But a very..unstrict one.
I believe in letting people be.
I believe in God, but the way I see Him, is alot different than others.
Some would say I'm not really a christian. But i am.

And I agree...with the song Louder Than Before [By Jeremy Camp]

Religion...beliefs..and all that..seem to be getting lost in this materialistic world.
Church used to be an every weekend thing....faith used to be alot stronger, it seems.

Now we're all getting caught up in our own worlds.
It seems as if we're the "me" generation.
Whatever happened to the strong faith thing?
What made us go astray?

Believe me, I'm not trying to push anything down your throat, I'm against that..I think it makes want to run the other direction.

If we're doing wrong...how can we point our fingers at each other, and claim they're doing wrong onto us as well? Should we not check thy hands before fingers are pointed about?
And if you're into having faith and all..isn't it wrong of you to judge and claim wrong doing..when you should be accepting and open? You're very hypocritical if you're doing this, i mean...you preach one thing..then turn the other way and point your impurities else where. Where is the right in this?

And if you're shoving your beliefs down someone's throat..don't you think it's going in one ear, and out the other? Yes, I believe in preaching, and teaching what you believe in, but shoving it on someone..isn't going to work. They won't take you seriously. And shouldn't you be accepting of others beliefs?

So I ask you..what are you going to do to speak louder than before?
Or are you just going to let your faith die?

Are you going to do volunteer work, are you going to speak about your beliefs, are you going to go to church more? Are you going to pray?
Are you going to dust off your bible and read some of it?
What are you going to do...keep the connection alive.
He doesn't turn his back on you, you stray from him.

I Try My Best To Be Guarded..But I'm An Open Book Instead

Have you ever...tried so hard..to keep things to yourself..only to find out..all your good friends know about it..way better than you ever thought?

I've been so busy these past couple of days..
It's just all a whirlwind. It's like..woah where am I?
I'm just like..thinking.
Freshman year went by.
But I only have a few good memories from it.
Shouldn't highschool have tons?
Good or bad?
I don't know, i was so social at school, and at the barn..but at home..i did my homework and did not a lot, except mess about on the computer. It was like..I didnt have time to breathe, to be with friends. To be a teenager.
I kind of miss my childhood in a way..and it's..kind of painful now..to see..all my friends so carefree..where all they're worrying about is...where they're going to party next.
But they don't seem to care about grades..where as..I do.
I don't know.
Can you guys help me..like..keep myself rounded and balanced this year?
I needed more guiding last year, but now i know the way, and i can handle it, but a little help would be nice :]
And i know you guys will help me. <3

Who am I?
Will I become what I want?
Is this who I really am..or am I not done changing yet?
I feel very..out of place at the moment.
As if I'm in constant limbo at the moment; and there's nothing I can do about it.
I know..sometimes I need to let go...and breathe..and go with the flow..I guess in that sense, i'm a control freak, to an extent.
What is this life all about, really?
I'm seeing a trend..lately..all my blog posts..have been focused around one thing.

What's wrong with my head?
Normally I'm more levelheaded..and more...balanced and down to Earth..and now..its as if..my mind won't stop, at all.
It makes me feel very uneasy, and I feel..as if I'm becoming detached, from my own deeper thoughts..and my own emotions. It's odd. I don't know why I'm feeling like this...It's sane.
And it's making it worse, just..thinking about it.
Cause then i start wondering why I can't just leave it be. Makes me feel as if there's something acutally wrong with me.

See why I put up a front most of the time? The way i think, is very unnerving sometimes. It makes me seem insecure, and unstable..but i'm really not. I just think differently.

What are your goals for this year?
I'm going to try to just...be like a duck, i suppose..
let it all slide off my back. :]
We'll see how well this works.

I guess..in a way..
I'm acting like a teenager, because I'm trying to find myself.
I know who I am, but this world is ever turning..and...things change
But I'm happy.
Life goes on.

Too Happy?

Have you ever just been..too happy with someone?
Like..you over read into everything, although you know everything is perfectly fine?
You accept; even love them for their flaws. And you love everything they do. It sounds..so cliche and so..fairytale like. But it's more than possible.
It's as if, once you find that happiness, you're so afraid it'll be ripped away, even if you're more positive about it never ending, than you are that you'll still be breathing tomorrow morning. You're acting as if, you don't deserve the happiness...as if you're not good enough
You're acting as if..the long term will eat the present alive..and if you let it become so..your wants and goals..will do that. You'll become so focused on the long term, that you neglect certain things in the now...when really..you should be cherishing the now, and be greatfull you're still able to think of a future. As life isn't a promise, it's more a single thread..stitching through other peoples lives..that can be become knotted..or the thread can begin to fray..then simply snap apart. Why wish away your todays, with your tomorrows?
I tend to read alot into things. It's part of who I am.
No matter how annoying it can be..it's helpful, at times. Other times, it simply tears me apart.I need to take a step outside myself sometimes..breathe in fresh air..and ask my self if this is the girl I really am, and if this is what I really want, now, and for the long term. I think about present and future..and i try not to let my past preoccupy my mind too often.
Anyways. The reason we try to find faults...in those we are so happy with, almost too happy with, is cause we know we have to have some rain, in order to have a rainbow..and you never know if it's the final rainbow..or just the calm before a storm. And you're scared..because you're so much more vunerable..and you're so used to being shelter..behind your own walls, left to your own demise...and now..now you're out, in the open..with eyes upon you. And you're not so sure of yourself anymore.
You may seem insecure, but it's because you're not used to the calmness..you almost need a bit of chaos..to keep you on your toes.
But the stillness is always nice. But not as greatly given to us.

"The broken clock is a comfort...it helps me sleep tonight. Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time."

"And I am still here, waiting. Though I have my doubts, I am damaged at best; Like you've already figured out."

"In the pain, there's healing. In your name, I find meaning. So I'm holding on, holding onto you."


"The broken locks where a warning you got inside my head, I tried my best to be guarded, but I'm an open book instead."

"And i still see your reflection, inside of my eyes, that are looking for purpose; they're still looking for life."

"I'm hanging on another day, Left me here alone. I may have lost my way now, but i haven't forgotten my way home."

^^^
All from one amazing song.
In a way..it goes with this blog post.
Or it does, from my point of view.
The song is:
Broken- Lifehouse.

Did You Doubt The Curve Of The Earth?

Off and On, the past couple of days...I've been thinking.

If there is a reasoning to life, what is it? How do we know if it's the right reason?Is there more than  one reason? If these reasons are filled, do we get a new set, or do we perish? What if you never fully finish them? Are your tasks ever truly done? If you live for one person..what if they don't live for you?  Do you really live for spirituality? Can you live for your beliefs as well as someone else? 

If everyones beliefs are different, and you live for them...what makes them real? What makes them significant enough that we live for them, yearn for them...and worship them?

I'm not bad mouthing religion, in any sense.

I'm just wondering, if we all think such different things, how can such  a vast species go on living, when we don't even know our full self worth? Sure, some things tell us, but that's all hear-say. How do we figure it out for our own self matter?

Why do the young  die?

Why do the old sometimes suffer before they move on, to whatever happens to us afterwards. If there is an afterlife,what finally decides if you go or not?   And if we don't get thrusted into heaven or hell...do our souls just float around in limbo? 

Do we have any control over our own lives?

In a way, we do.

Life has daily twists and turns; You decide how you react to certain things..you decide how you  show the world who you are, you decide who you hang out with, you decide if you're going to be  a bum, or if you're going to be the next millionaire.

The twists and turns..they come in when unknown risk/unknown factors come in.

Such as...natural disaster. You can't always account for that, but you can decide what you do before and after, and that affects how you keep on in your daily life. 

The answers to this, we shall never know. And if you have the ability, or the want to think about such things, it means your basic needs are filled, such as food, shelter, basic friendships and basic love.  So as those things are filled, you start thinking about higher up things, such as your own status in the world, where you'll be in the next five years...it makes you wonder about alot.

But it seems like such a common thought, that all think like this. But it's not. You have to have most basic needs to think about this on such a  deep level. And it can see almost depressing, but that's now how I look at it. I find it very intriguing 

So right now, I'm just going to breathe in fresh air, and feel the blood rush through my veins.  Even if I never make anything of my name, no matter how badly i want to,  I will know..that at least I lived a full live..I would rather regret doing too much...then regret doing nothing at all. I wanna be running when the grim reaper comes and gets me. And I can promise you, no matter how much I may question my placing, I know who I am, and  i know who I want to be years from now..and no one can fully change that  opinion of me...And that's what matters. Is being true to yourself. 

It seems now, we get too caught up in the materalisticness of this world. We don't always stand up for whats right. Even if you're only one person, you're an other voice for the cause you're fighting for. One voice could impact millions..and even if you don't impact millions...you're atleast standing up for whats right. Why believe in something, if you're never going to stand up for it?  It's like buying a hot wheels car, simply to say you have a car, but never stating it's a toy.  You need to stand up for what you believe in, or you'll fall for anything.

There are no monuments dedicated to me & my name will soon be forgotten,

but i've loved another with all my heart & soul,

& to me, this has always been enough

-The Notebook

the most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. these persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. beautiful people do not just happen.