Serenity

Edit:: 11/29/08: I just saw myself on PBS. I was leading Montana, and Strawberry at CIRT. It was an at local glance thing, it was kinda cool. It comes on randomly. =]*

I saw Kaitlin's blog. I thought i'd use her idea xD

Truth #1
I miss you. I still think about you, and wonder how things are for you now. I wish we could still be friends, but you made no move to contact me after i left..but i never tried to either..I figured you were upset with me. I miss you, and I'm sorry.

Fact #1
I love chocolate, it's like a bandaid for anything hurting

Truth#2
I wish you would still talk to me. I wish you wouldn't judge me, because I don't still go to that place were we first met. I thought you weren't so judgement. I guess places and time, change people you once thought you knew. I was young then, I still am, I was more naive then too. I only wish we would have kept in contact, like we swore up and down, we would.

Fact #2
Time can change any, and everything. This is something I've come to know.

Truth #3
I envy people too much. I hate it. I wish i could be totally content with what I am, with what I have, but I can't. At times, I can, but othertimes, I'm totally wanting. But it's part of being human.

Fact #3
I try not to cry too much, I know, it's crazy. That i need to get those emotions out, and if i do cry, it's in front of good friends, or by myself in my room.

Truth#4
I need to stay connected with God. I'm trying. I really am. This new church, seems quiet promising. I feel more..warmth, not so empty either.

Fact#4
I am afraid to let go of my..standards I guess..
I'm afraid to dance infront of people. I guess, I can get quiet shy at times. It's annoying, at times.

Truth#5
I sometimes wonder who I am. Why I'm here. What my purpose is. But othertimes, I realize it's to be here, to help others, to find a niche`. To help the riders at CIRT, to make a name for myself..But sometimes, I wonder if that's ever enough.

Fact#5
Music is like a drug for me, It says the words I cannot say.

Truth#6
I'm very insecure sometimes. But otherdays, I'm confident, and I know how to do what I need to do. Human nature is quiet odd.

Fact #6
I have really deep thoughts at times.
I have layers to myself, you can't figure me out right away.
You can tell, by some of my thoughts, that I do not normaly act my age.

Truth#7
I worry I won't get the job I want; I stress over it. I try hard at school. I do not want to be stuck in some horrible job, 15 years from now, and already miserable. That's not what I want, at all.

Fact#7
I have back-up ideas incase, i cannot get the job i would like.

Truth #8
It's way easier for me, to write down my feelings and thoughts, in poetry, and in pretty little paragraphs, then it ever has been, to say it.

Fact #8
I say things I later regret when I'm upset/angry.


So, yesterday was rather stressful. We brought grandpa home, andit was hard seeing him. He's so small and frail now. Nothing like the jolly, Mr. Fix it, I once knew. Not the same grandpa I would run to when I had scraped my knee, not the same grandpa I had once sat in the basement with, and watched him construct things.
He didn't know me. Or my uncle, who drove up from Texas.
I couldn't understand him.
It made my heartache.

I plan on going to Richwoods this weekend, I did last weekend as well.

Fireflight;; Serenity

The light behind your eyes
Tells me that you've cried
Sometime tonight
I offer down My hand
But without your plans
You cannot hide
The white snow falls (I cannot see)
On my black heart (In front of me)
Say it to me in a way that I can understand
I hear You call (Loud and clear)
It melts my heart (Take my fear)
Show me how to see the love that brings serenity
I'm pouring out My love
Open up your hands
Not big enough
You tried to do it all
It's time for you to fall
You've done enough
The white snow falls (I cannot see)
On my black heart (In front of me)
Say it to me in a way that I can understand
I hear You call (Loud and clear)
It melts my heart (Take my fear)
Show me how to see the love that brings serenity
[Background:] Loud and clear,Take my fear (2x)
Oh my God I've worked so farI've gotten nowhere
The white snow falls (I cannot see)
On my black heart (In front of me)
Say it to me in a way that I can understand
I hear You call (Loud and clear)
It melts my heart (Take my fear)
Show me how to see the love that brings serenity


Quote of the week:

The sooner you realize things will never be the same, the sooner you can move on.

I Still Believe.

I went to church today. I went to a new youth group. Yes, I know. Shocking, sort of, isn't it? I had been searching for one, I came across one, called Richwoods Christian Church, I emailed the Youth Pastor a few times. I went in today, and the Senior Pastor greated us, then I introduced myself to Joel, the Youth one. He showed my mom and I around. It's a nice church, it's not too big and not too small. We had a great dicusion on dating, sex, and modesty. Katelyn, this girl was super nice, and made sure to keep me in the group. She invited me out to lunch, but I couldnt go, because my mom didn't have any money. I felt...lighter after leaving. I'm going back next Sunday hopefuly. They had discussion groups tonight, but I didnt go, If I stick around, I might start going to those groups.

I have to say, I'm glad I decided to look this all up; In a way, I've needed this. I've needed to reconnect. I need God. We all do.

My faith is coming back, I can feel the fire start again; I'm learning to pray again, I'm learning to be who i need to be..

Here's a song.

I Still Believe--Jeremy Camp

Scattered words and empty thoughts

Seem to pour from my heart

I've never felt so torn before

Seems I don't know where to start

But its now I feel your grace fall like rain

From every fingertip washing away my pain

I still believe in your faithfulness

I still believe in your truth

I still believe in your holy word

Even when I don't see I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind

With promises I still seem to bear

Even when answers slowly unwind

It's my heart I see you prepare

But its now that I feel your grace fall like rain

From every fingertip washing away my pain

The only place I can go is into your arms

Where I throw to you my feeble prayers in brokeness

I can see that this is your will for me

Help me to know you are near

Quotes and such <3

You gotta step forward,or you’ll always be in the same place.

Let go of what kills you, hold onto what keeps you breathing.

If you want what you've never had,you have to do what you've never done.

Nobody wants to hear this but sometimes the personyou want the most is the person you're best without.

Most people don`t know who they are.That`s why they lie. They`re afraid someone else will figure it out before they do.

He lives in ALL of our souls <3

Peace, Love, Coffee;;

Lizzie

Ball; Goodbye Fall;

So, Friday was the marine corps ball.I slept in, went to the Panache` cafe with some of my french buddies, so we could work on our project.
Then i came home, relaxed for a bit, then showered, got all pretty, took some pictures, then went to the ball.
The ceremony was rather interesting,i enjoyed it. Tiffany almost knocked me out of attention stance though xD
Then we went into the terrazo, we had cake, soda, chips, and sandwhiches. After we had a bit to eat, the DJ struck up some music, Tiffany and I listened for a bit, and she went out to dance. Now, I can't dance. Well. I couldnt xD We slow danced for a bit, then i sat down, and watched her dance. She came over after a song, and pulled me up. She said I looked miserable, and that i needed to dance. She taught me how to dance, and once i let go of my whole "I don't wanna make a fool out of myself" thoughts, I had even more fun. We danced for awhile, it was fun. Master Gunnery even got into it. The ball was amazing, after I let go, i had sooo much fun. I'm thankful Tiffany is my friend and made me do that. I'm deffiantly going to go next year too.

Today was the last 'Weekly" ride for me and Tino. Since we set the clocks back an hour, it gets dark really soon ,and it's getting colder, really fast.
So, Monday nights are kinda hard to do now, and not be rushed. Robin and I decided, that if on the weekends, it's nice, I'll call, then come out and ride. That sounds good to me, but I'm kinda sad. I won't get to see Tino as much. Ah well, soon, Spring willbe here, and I will get to see her even more =D Then showmanship will roll around again and all.

School's okay, busy, as always.

Quotes:

I'm a sucker for the sweet talkers,
the ones that treat me right. The ones
that call randomly or just to say goodnight.
The ones that challenge me and make me
face my fears.

We do not get unlimited chances at the
things we want. Nothing its worse than missing
an oppurtunity that could have changed your
life.

I'm a survivor. I'm getting older and
wiser. I'm gonna live now and nothing
can change my mind.