Placid eyes in which glittering goodness entreats,
Rapid palpations, my heart seems to sing as it skips a few mere beats;
Feeling it from the roots of my hair, to the very tips of my toes,
Thy has chased away all my woes,
In my soul, your presence shall forever be ringing in echoes.
Time is long
But still thy make my soul sing the most delightful song,
I should have never done thy wrong.
Oh, joyous is life!
No longer do I give myself such strife,
My words no longer separate us like the sharpest knife.
Years have passed,
But still, this admiration, this love, it always stuck- it was always meant to last.
For some time, we were forced to fast,
But now we feast on the succulent fruits of forgiveness and love,
We seem to start over, fresh as a pure white dove.
You've got me wrapped around your finger, snugger than any glove,
My memorandum of admiration has now blossomed to love;
But you mustn't worry,
We won't scurry,
I don't expect us to completely obliterate the past,
But I do believe, that given the proper chance, we could make it- this time, we could make it last.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Thursday, February 03, 2011
Grandfather's Apostrophe
Your mortality was fleeting,
But the everlasting, ever haunting, immortality,
Lives on deep within me.
Vacantly I stood by your side,
Watching the tidal waves rise,
Fall,
Quiver,
Bubble,
And delicately break.
For years I watched you shrivel,
My own childish drivel soon became a passé excuse
For why I didn't venture out to see someone who was the very root of me.
Though your body shrank in it's demeanor,
Your heart never faltered
And your smile could embrace everyone's heart
With a sweetly somber joy,
Tugging on one's heart string
Like the gentle lull of an old song
That hadn't drifted through the air
For quite some time.
Nevertheless, both are divine,
But I wish I had just a little bit more time,
Just a bit more time-even just a moment,
To say goodbye.
Words still leak out to you,
Oh, how sometimes, I so badly
Just want to speak to you.
Would you be proud of me?
Have I turned out to everything
You ever thought your little piggy-tailed princess
Could possibly be?
More than a year has past,
That is, since you left me,
And yet,
I still wonder,
What could have happened
If only I hadn't let the differences make a sea between us,
What if I parted that sea?
Do you still hear me,
As I speak to you
Only in an apostrophe?
^I'm currently working on a poetry project for my junior english class, and there has to be atleast one original work included. I came up with this poem on my walk home from school.
Saturday, December 04, 2010
Thoughts Of My Own
Whose thoughts are these but my own?
Whose preponderance shall indulge
Those around?
Speaking softly, clearly,
I'm an open book, you see.
These words may be only my own,
But I'll sweetly speak of thy heart,
Letting it sing louder than a baby lark.
Such words, they help me find a place,
A place within the dark,
Lighting the way not only for me,
But also for thee.
My thoughts are like poetry,
Floating around,
Only you are able to see,
Only you are able to interpret properly.
Closed off from thee I shall not be,
But others, they do not see
What you are allowed so effortlessly.
You are a part of me,
You understand,
You are my lighthouse, guiding and shining on me, through this sea.
Not only the sea of life,
No; but also the sea of love,
For ours is wider than any one eye can see,
But together,
We can make it be.
Run thy fingers through my hair,
As your heart beats in time,
The lull of yours, perfectly in tune with mine.
On such a feast of love,
We shall dine.
I've been wrong from time to time,
But there's nothing I would ever trade for you.
These thoughts may be but my own,
But I'll gladly share them with you,
For one day, we shall make a house, a home.
Whose thoughts are these but my own?
Whose preponderance shall indulge
Those around?
Speaking softly, clearly,
I'm an open book, you see.
These words may be only my own,
But I'll sweetly speak of thy heart,
Letting it sing louder than a baby lark.
Such words, they help me find a place,
A place within the dark,
Lighting the way not only for me,
But also for thee.
My thoughts are like poetry,
Floating around,
Only you are able to see,
Only you are able to interpret properly.
Closed off from thee I shall not be,
But others, they do not see
What you are allowed so effortlessly.
You are a part of me,
You understand,
You are my lighthouse, guiding and shining on me, through this sea.
Not only the sea of life,
No; but also the sea of love,
For ours is wider than any one eye can see,
But together,
We can make it be.
Run thy fingers through my hair,
As your heart beats in time,
The lull of yours, perfectly in tune with mine.
On such a feast of love,
We shall dine.
I've been wrong from time to time,
But there's nothing I would ever trade for you.
These thoughts may be but my own,
But I'll gladly share them with you,
For one day, we shall make a house, a home.
Friday, December 03, 2010
ASVAB Scores
Note: Scoring is based on a 100 student scale. So my scores were better or equal to that number of people. Like..for Verbal Skills..I beat 90 females, 91 males, and 90 students on Average.
Career Exploration Skills:
Verbal Skills:
Female; 90
Male; 91
Average; 90
Test score 61
Math Skills:
Female; 57
Male; 60
Average; 59
Test score 52
Science And Technical Skills:
Female; 84
Male; 64
Average; 74
Test score 56
ASVAB Tests
General Science:
Female; 79
Male; 69
Average; 74
Test score 56
Arithmetic Reasoning:
Female;58
Male; 54
Average; 56
Test score 51
Word Knowledge:
Female; 94
Male; 95
Average; 95
Test score 64
Paragraph Comprehension:
Female; 60
Male; 63
Average; 62
Test score 54
Mathematics Knowledge:
Female; 52
Male; 59
Average; 56
Test score 52
Electronics Information:
Female; 97
Male; 79
Average; 88
Test score 60
Auto And Shop Information:
Female; 26
Male; 11
Average; 19
Test score 41
Mechanical Comprehension:
Female; 57
Male; 34
Average; 45
Test score 50
Career Exploration Skills:
Verbal Skills:
Female; 90
Male; 91
Average; 90
Test score 61
Math Skills:
Female; 57
Male; 60
Average; 59
Test score 52
Science And Technical Skills:
Female; 84
Male; 64
Average; 74
Test score 56
ASVAB Tests
General Science:
Female; 79
Male; 69
Average; 74
Test score 56
Arithmetic Reasoning:
Female;58
Male; 54
Average; 56
Test score 51
Word Knowledge:
Female; 94
Male; 95
Average; 95
Test score 64
Paragraph Comprehension:
Female; 60
Male; 63
Average; 62
Test score 54
Mathematics Knowledge:
Female; 52
Male; 59
Average; 56
Test score 52
Electronics Information:
Female; 97
Male; 79
Average; 88
Test score 60
Auto And Shop Information:
Female; 26
Male; 11
Average; 19
Test score 41
Mechanical Comprehension:
Female; 57
Male; 34
Average; 45
Test score 50
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
Rhetoric Of Love
Bright, sun-shiny days
Chase away all the gray,
Deeply I mean every word I say,
Thoughts of you still linger while in my bed, I lay.
Of you, I could dream all day,
Together we're meant to stay.
My heart shan't be in dismay,
As long as we never fray.
When we kiss,
It's pure bliss,
A feeling that I never want to miss;
Our love, forever is this.
We must be some part of a plan,
With your hands to hold, I know that I can,
I can give my very best, to such a deserving man,
Such a man keeps a warm hold on my heart, like a gentle summer tan.
Hand in hand,
Till the last grain of sand,
Together we stand,
Our love, oh-so grand.
Bright, sun-shiny days
Chase away all the gray,
Deeply I mean every word I say,
Thoughts of you still linger while in my bed, I lay.
Of you, I could dream all day,
Together we're meant to stay.
My heart shan't be in dismay,
As long as we never fray.
When we kiss,
It's pure bliss,
A feeling that I never want to miss;
Our love, forever is this.
We must be some part of a plan,
With your hands to hold, I know that I can,
I can give my very best, to such a deserving man,
Such a man keeps a warm hold on my heart, like a gentle summer tan.
Hand in hand,
Till the last grain of sand,
Together we stand,
Our love, oh-so grand.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Poetic Musings
Why Now?
Why now do I feel remorse,
Why now do we converse?
Why now do you treat me like you once did?
Hear, for I do not kid,
It were your lips
I once yearned to kiss;
But then they turned to ice,
Ripping me apart like a tiny set of knives;
But now,
Now you're trying to soften the blow,
But these wounds, they shall not heal without glorious scars.
Why now?
Why do you now decide to treat me like a princess?
Why did it ever cease;
Do you not understand all you've done to me?
Your laugh, your love,
It once made me so high,
But soon 'enough, you left our passion on the roadside,
To slowly shutter, wither away, and die;
So I had to lie,
Merely just to appease you;
But baby, you couldn't keep me anymore.
Time and I weren't to allow it;
Our love was grand when it was born,
And now, I've left you just a little bit more torn.
So why now?
Why now can you look me in the eye,
Stating how deeply your love runs,
When less than a week ago,
Your love felt as if it ran drier than any desert.
Why now do you try con your way back into my heart?
Honestly, you had had it from the start,
Then you left it there in the dark;
Never knowing if things would ever re-spark.
But, alas, that mysterious questions is solved,
Our love, it once fizzled, but now it's dissolved;
Leaving us as friends, not lovers.
For the least, we shan't know further pain from one another,
This was a lesson from which we've both gained,
But tell me, why now?
Why now do you say my name so sweetly, once again?
Why now must you torment me with what we once had,
Before the trap-door beneath me caved,
Letting me hang, for lying, but the lie was in vain,
And let me hang, for crossing away from my self so far; so far from the true me;
I beg of you, why now do you do such things?
Why did I bear the load,
Why did you not even seem to know?
Yes, some obvious, quite!
Regardless of the lie,
I was self-less, I only cared for your happiness;
Not a word of my own was to be spoken;
And now,
Now you torment me like a martyr,
For making you so happy, like I did.
Please, don't place thy kiss upon my neck,
Or thy hand upon the small of my back.
Why do I voice this now, you lovingly ask;
Because we're nothing more than words upon a page now,
We're not lovers, no way, no how.
Don't wrinkle your brow,
You know why now,
For now, we are just but friends,
Which is better than nothing at all.
So please, don't be confused,
You're not someone I want to lose, fully,
But you're also not someone I want to have and to hold.
So please, don't knock upon my door,
Expecting me to pick your heart up off the floor.
So why now do you start to try again?
There shall never be an "us" again.
The Promise Of Today
I may be unable to see into the future,
But it's still your words that
Make me fumble for my own,
It's still your hand I want to hold.
Forever may not be forever,
If real life gets in the way,
I'm still thankful for the time together.
We've managed to outlast a storm or two,
And we'll try to continue on our way;
And there is no doubt, you'll be in my heart, forever.
Together now is a blessing,
And if reality dons her scornful curse,
Then at least we had the time we did.
I don't regret a thing,
We're not a mere fling,
No, you've made my heart sing.
I may not be able to see if our love,
Our astounding love,
Will outlast our lives,
But I can promise,
You're always going to have a special place
In my heart,
And I will try my hardest to make this work.
It's not going to be easy,
The best things in life never are;
But I want you near, not far.
I promise to strive for us, everyday,
In every single way.
I can't promise forever,
But I can promise today.
^ Two most recent poems.
:3
Thoughts?
Why now do I feel remorse,
Why now do we converse?
Why now do you treat me like you once did?
Hear, for I do not kid,
It were your lips
I once yearned to kiss;
But then they turned to ice,
Ripping me apart like a tiny set of knives;
But now,
Now you're trying to soften the blow,
But these wounds, they shall not heal without glorious scars.
Why now?
Why do you now decide to treat me like a princess?
Why did it ever cease;
Do you not understand all you've done to me?
Your laugh, your love,
It once made me so high,
But soon 'enough, you left our passion on the roadside,
To slowly shutter, wither away, and die;
So I had to lie,
Merely just to appease you;
But baby, you couldn't keep me anymore.
Time and I weren't to allow it;
Our love was grand when it was born,
And now, I've left you just a little bit more torn.
So why now?
Why now can you look me in the eye,
Stating how deeply your love runs,
When less than a week ago,
Your love felt as if it ran drier than any desert.
Why now do you try con your way back into my heart?
Honestly, you had had it from the start,
Then you left it there in the dark;
Never knowing if things would ever re-spark.
But, alas, that mysterious questions is solved,
Our love, it once fizzled, but now it's dissolved;
Leaving us as friends, not lovers.
For the least, we shan't know further pain from one another,
This was a lesson from which we've both gained,
But tell me, why now?
Why now do you say my name so sweetly, once again?
Why now must you torment me with what we once had,
Before the trap-door beneath me caved,
Letting me hang, for lying, but the lie was in vain,
And let me hang, for crossing away from my self so far; so far from the true me;
I beg of you, why now do you do such things?
Why did I bear the load,
Why did you not even seem to know?
Yes, some obvious, quite!
Regardless of the lie,
I was self-less, I only cared for your happiness;
Not a word of my own was to be spoken;
And now,
Now you torment me like a martyr,
For making you so happy, like I did.
Please, don't place thy kiss upon my neck,
Or thy hand upon the small of my back.
Why do I voice this now, you lovingly ask;
Because we're nothing more than words upon a page now,
We're not lovers, no way, no how.
Don't wrinkle your brow,
You know why now,
For now, we are just but friends,
Which is better than nothing at all.
So please, don't be confused,
You're not someone I want to lose, fully,
But you're also not someone I want to have and to hold.
So please, don't knock upon my door,
Expecting me to pick your heart up off the floor.
So why now do you start to try again?
There shall never be an "us" again.
The Promise Of Today
I may be unable to see into the future,
But it's still your words that
Make me fumble for my own,
It's still your hand I want to hold.
Forever may not be forever,
If real life gets in the way,
I'm still thankful for the time together.
We've managed to outlast a storm or two,
And we'll try to continue on our way;
And there is no doubt, you'll be in my heart, forever.
Together now is a blessing,
And if reality dons her scornful curse,
Then at least we had the time we did.
I don't regret a thing,
We're not a mere fling,
No, you've made my heart sing.
I may not be able to see if our love,
Our astounding love,
Will outlast our lives,
But I can promise,
You're always going to have a special place
In my heart,
And I will try my hardest to make this work.
It's not going to be easy,
The best things in life never are;
But I want you near, not far.
I promise to strive for us, everyday,
In every single way.
I can't promise forever,
But I can promise today.
^ Two most recent poems.
:3
Thoughts?
Thursday, June 17, 2010
This World Escapes Through The Parting Of Your Selfish Words
Let me breathe, to open the doors, to see your eyes
Something like this, I've always wanted to remember
_________________________________________
So I've always kind of struggled with being completely, totally, happy. I mean, there are certain people, who ALWAYS make me happy, and always will. But there seems to be a part of me...that sometimes..not even the brightest sunshine, or the sweetest words can cue. It seems like every part of my soul can radiate joy, and that one little piece, sits in black and white. I mean, not many people honestly know this about me. It's never really been a big deal..I've always thought it was normal. I mean..I basically grew up, dealing with it. But a part of me, has always felt like I'm lying to those when I say they've made me the happiest I've ever been..but I don't tend to throw that around. It's not that I'm lying when I say it. That one little piece of me just gets all battered and blue. Sometimes I know the cause, sometimes I don't. I think I struggle with mild depression, honestly. Maybe it's because I hold onto some things too long? I handle it well..but sometimes..if I don't keep it in check, it can spiral out of control, which..it has a few times. I'm not a self harmer or anything. I wouldn't do that..I couldn't cause such pain to others. But I get in weird mood funks. I hate it..because that's not who I am; That's not who I want to be. So I surround myself with things I love..things that lift my spirits. Incense..because things that smell good, always seem to brighten my day. My ipod..I always need music to confirm what I'm feeling. A pen and some paper...in case I need to write..writing is kind of my outlet, because sometimes I store things up. Certain People. I don't like it. I don't like knowing that..even though I'm an imperfect being..because all humans are..that I'm even a bit more imperfect, because I can't always keep that little part equal to the others...and sometimes that part spreads. As selfish as it seems..sometimes I want to fast forward..and see if things turn out..even a little bit like what I want..or like what I've dreamed of. My moods have been kinda effected by this little piece that just won't be warmed by the sunlight of summer. Today helped a bit, because I went riding and spent some extra time with the CIRT horses, but Tino was a big pain in the butt..and wouldn't do anything right, at all. In a way...I kind of just..want to step back from my life, and see what's causing all this..because..honestly, this time, I'm not too sure. I feel like my efforts are fruitless, that no matter how hard I try..I'm going to end up unhappy even when I'm an old woman. And I know that's not how it's going to end up..at least..I hope not. But that's not what's troubling me..but my whole..touch of depression or whatever you call it..has got me thinking things like that. I hate negativeness..so why is my mind breeding it? Why must it be so destructive? It's not always destructive..so why now? Nothing traumatic has happened. Not recently, at least. I hate the fact that whatever this is..is making me worry. Normally I don't worry a whole heck of a lot. Normally I don't over- analyze or pick apart things too much. I hate how it messes with me. I hate feeling like something's wrong with me..and that's exactly how I feel right now. Why do I have to make things harder on myself, why can't I just figure out what this is? I don't want to worry about it..so why does my mind make me worry about it? I've been trying not to. I really hate how I am though. Some people believe that "God" can fill this spot..and keep it sunshiny. I've tried that. It makes me feel even more..imperfect and wrong. I feel like I kinda missed out on my childhood. If I had that fully..would I still be like this? Probably. I think it's part of me. I think it's another flaw of mine. Why am I so stuck on this right now? It's making me anxious. I need to stop worrying..I never worry like this. But it's like..my mind won't rest. I was so restless last night..I barely slept. I have a feeling tonight will be similar as well. I nap decently though. I had an odd dream last night though. It was so realistic as well. Sometimes..I wonder what other peoples' lives would be like without me. I hate how my mind is jumping right now..I sound so scattered. Why can't I just be..-normal-? Sometimes I wish I was..but then of course, I wouldn't be me. And what is normal, other than a setting on a washing machine? Normal is defined by the media, not by me.
I don't always feel like this, I swear. Sometimes it seems to disappear..but it doesn't..it's always there..looming. It just depends on how it effects me..and how large that spot is..that just won't be what I want it to be.
I just want to remember what it's like to be happy..and what life is really about. I don't want this slight touch of depression to keep tangling me up in it randomly. Though, I think it's something chronic. So I'll live with it, and I'll try not to worry too much, and I'll enjoy every moment I can. Honestly, I'm a happy person, but I have a little piece of me..that won't always let that be. It's just..a part of me. I guess..it's kind of what makes me, me.
Something like this, I've always wanted to remember
_________________________________________
So I've always kind of struggled with being completely, totally, happy. I mean, there are certain people, who ALWAYS make me happy, and always will. But there seems to be a part of me...that sometimes..not even the brightest sunshine, or the sweetest words can cue. It seems like every part of my soul can radiate joy, and that one little piece, sits in black and white. I mean, not many people honestly know this about me. It's never really been a big deal..I've always thought it was normal. I mean..I basically grew up, dealing with it. But a part of me, has always felt like I'm lying to those when I say they've made me the happiest I've ever been..but I don't tend to throw that around. It's not that I'm lying when I say it. That one little piece of me just gets all battered and blue. Sometimes I know the cause, sometimes I don't. I think I struggle with mild depression, honestly. Maybe it's because I hold onto some things too long? I handle it well..but sometimes..if I don't keep it in check, it can spiral out of control, which..it has a few times. I'm not a self harmer or anything. I wouldn't do that..I couldn't cause such pain to others. But I get in weird mood funks. I hate it..because that's not who I am; That's not who I want to be. So I surround myself with things I love..things that lift my spirits. Incense..because things that smell good, always seem to brighten my day. My ipod..I always need music to confirm what I'm feeling. A pen and some paper...in case I need to write..writing is kind of my outlet, because sometimes I store things up. Certain People. I don't like it. I don't like knowing that..even though I'm an imperfect being..because all humans are..that I'm even a bit more imperfect, because I can't always keep that little part equal to the others...and sometimes that part spreads. As selfish as it seems..sometimes I want to fast forward..and see if things turn out..even a little bit like what I want..or like what I've dreamed of. My moods have been kinda effected by this little piece that just won't be warmed by the sunlight of summer. Today helped a bit, because I went riding and spent some extra time with the CIRT horses, but Tino was a big pain in the butt..and wouldn't do anything right, at all. In a way...I kind of just..want to step back from my life, and see what's causing all this..because..honestly, this time, I'm not too sure. I feel like my efforts are fruitless, that no matter how hard I try..I'm going to end up unhappy even when I'm an old woman. And I know that's not how it's going to end up..at least..I hope not. But that's not what's troubling me..but my whole..touch of depression or whatever you call it..has got me thinking things like that. I hate negativeness..so why is my mind breeding it? Why must it be so destructive? It's not always destructive..so why now? Nothing traumatic has happened. Not recently, at least. I hate the fact that whatever this is..is making me worry. Normally I don't worry a whole heck of a lot. Normally I don't over- analyze or pick apart things too much. I hate how it messes with me. I hate feeling like something's wrong with me..and that's exactly how I feel right now. Why do I have to make things harder on myself, why can't I just figure out what this is? I don't want to worry about it..so why does my mind make me worry about it? I've been trying not to. I really hate how I am though. Some people believe that "God" can fill this spot..and keep it sunshiny. I've tried that. It makes me feel even more..imperfect and wrong. I feel like I kinda missed out on my childhood. If I had that fully..would I still be like this? Probably. I think it's part of me. I think it's another flaw of mine. Why am I so stuck on this right now? It's making me anxious. I need to stop worrying..I never worry like this. But it's like..my mind won't rest. I was so restless last night..I barely slept. I have a feeling tonight will be similar as well. I nap decently though. I had an odd dream last night though. It was so realistic as well. Sometimes..I wonder what other peoples' lives would be like without me. I hate how my mind is jumping right now..I sound so scattered. Why can't I just be..-normal-? Sometimes I wish I was..but then of course, I wouldn't be me. And what is normal, other than a setting on a washing machine? Normal is defined by the media, not by me.
I don't always feel like this, I swear. Sometimes it seems to disappear..but it doesn't..it's always there..looming. It just depends on how it effects me..and how large that spot is..that just won't be what I want it to be.
I just want to remember what it's like to be happy..and what life is really about. I don't want this slight touch of depression to keep tangling me up in it randomly. Though, I think it's something chronic. So I'll live with it, and I'll try not to worry too much, and I'll enjoy every moment I can. Honestly, I'm a happy person, but I have a little piece of me..that won't always let that be. It's just..a part of me. I guess..it's kind of what makes me, me.
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